


On a Night Like Tonight, I'll Be your Tramp

by microphoneMessiah



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-08
Updated: 2012-04-08
Packaged: 2017-11-03 07:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/378782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/microphoneMessiah/pseuds/microphoneMessiah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>EriKar Datenight.</p><p>A tale of old sea captain dick and misplaced movie tickets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On a Night Like Tonight, I'll Be your Tramp

Kardal and Erin had an odd relationship, to say the least. One that involved a certain level of boastfulness and one-upmanship probably never before seen in a “romantic” relationship. Thus, when date night arrived every Friday night, things didn’t exactly go…smoothly.

“Fuck you, I’m not taking my jacket.” Kardal grumbles attempting to tie his tie but ending up with some sort of sailor’s knot, most likely for tying up boats to a harbor or something. Heh, sailor’s knot.

“Don’t be fuckin’ ridiculous; do you want to freeze out there? Do you really want to avoid date night so badly that you’d rather freeze in sub zero weather?” Kardal can hear Erin’s aggravated tone from his room. He tries to tie his tie again with even more tragic results.

“Yes. I’d rather be stuck stark naked in the arctic circle than have to sit through some godawful nautical movie about a guy who couldn’t get laid and heads off to sea for seven years, ultimately finding himself and choosing to live among the nasty, smelly sea lions for the rest of his lonely, pathetic days. No, seriously, where the fuck do you even find this shit? Truly you must have a radar for unbelievably shitty movies; there is no other way.” He laughs bitterly to himself. 13 dollars for a 2 hour 3D extravaganza because he really wants to see some old sea captain’s junk up close in HD. Why, so close he could just bend forward and choke on it, sparing himself the rest of the night and giving him a truly horrible death that might just earn him a place in the pearly gates, if he plays his cards right.

“Oh my cod. Would you stop your bitchin’? It’s a heroic tale about a sea explorer who becomes closer to nature. That’s a good thing, in case you weren’t aware. You could learn a thing or two about actually givin’ some kind of fuck about the environment from him, you know.” Erin retorts.

Kardal doesn’t really care.

“I could learn to become a nudist and sleep with my ass pressed against sea lion dick for warmth? Is that what it means to be an environmentalist; to live through a horrible episode of Spongebob where instead of getting stung by jellyfish or something, you get fucked by a sea lion before it kills you with it’s ridiculously large teeth? Am I going to be providing the blood red Kool-Aid for a bratty teenage sea lion and his douchebag friends for his bar mitzfah? Fucking mazel tov.” Erin laughs sarcastically at that, swooping into the room in a dramatic flourish. Kardal fakes amazement in between wrestling with his tie. Thankfully, Erin takes pity on him and fixes his latest failed attempt, centering it perfectly.

“You’re so ridiculous, Kar.” He rolls his eyes with a smile. “And helpless. I swear, you’d walk around like a fashion tragedy if it weren’t for me steering you in the right direction. There would be magazines dedicated to solely not dressing like you, like, there would be a worst dressed list but you’d never be on it because it would just be a given that you would always be the worst dressed for all of fuckin’ eternity.”

Kardal laughs and gives Erin a punch in the arm, the asshole.

“Whatever. Are you ready yet; the movie starts in half an hour and you know we’re walking since you’re little electric tool car is in the shop until Tuesday.” Kardal’s tone is questioning as he brushes off some dirt from his red vans.

“Yeah, yeah; hold your horses. Which scarf should I take; the blue or the purple?” Erin poses with both scarves interchanging them against his shirt to show contrast.

“Regardless of whatever I say, you are going to choose the purple one. You always choose the purple one.” Kardal snarks at him.

“Not true!” Erin throws the purple scarf on the bed, swiftly tying the blue one around his neck in a loose knot. “I think the blue is perfect for this outfit.”

“Great. Let’s go, gayfish.” And with that Kardal swings their front door open and starts heading down the apartment floor hallway. Erin makes an indignant squawk before snatching up his satchel bag and fast walking after him.

A quick trip down the elevator and out the lobby’s front door and the two are out into the winter night. The air nips at their noses and lips and Erin makes some quiet comment about how he can’t believe he left his chapstick in his other bag to which Kardal just snorts, earning him a light smack on the arm. A breeze rolls through, rustling crunchy autumn leaves and blowing at their hair. Erin shuffles a little closer and Kardal takes his hand, putting both hands into his left jacket pocket.

The night is quiet besides the hum of traffic a few blocks away. Overhead the left over Christmas lights in the park beside them illuminate colors on their winter apparel with a crescent moon lighting their way.

It’s almost down right amazing. Kardal thinks Gavin would call it a miracle, but Gavin is a pothead juggalofuck as well as his best friend, so he doesn’t think calling it a miracle is really necessary.

“Kar?” And Erin is smiling up at him softly an amused look in his eyes.

“Hm?”

“You grabbed the wrong jacket.”

And there goes the moment. Off with the wind in about a billion bite sized pieces.

“What.” He tries to keep it cool; he can save this moment.

“You grabbed the wrong jacket. Our movie tickets are in the other grey jacket on the coffee table.” Erin says pointedly, an expectant look on his face.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me with this.” He releases Erin’s hand with a groan as he brings his hands up to his face to cover his eyes.

“But I’m not though. I told you about a billion fuckin’ times that I put the movie tickets in that jacket after I bought them from the theater this morning.”

Kardal could scream. “You said ‘ope-dee-dope! It’s in a grey jacket, Kar! Okay? I’m gonna go get some Starbucks and write shitty angst poetry. Oh-dee-doe’ How was I supposed to know which jacket you meant? It’s not like half my jackets are grey or anything, shit, I can’t think of a single grey jacket I own. Pretty sure all of them are actually rainbow striped with bedazzled jewels on the back spelling out, ‘check this choice assed tool out’ with a big arrow pointing to my ass. Yeah. That must be it.”

“Wow, way to listen. That’s one hell of a talent you got there, Kar. And really, tell me how you really feel about my writing. I’d love to hear this right now.” Erin’s voice is bitter and biting as the night. Kardal cools down a bit, his usual pout fixed back on to his face.

“Christ, look I’m sorry. I’m being a dick for no reason and it’s really not helping anything.” He says staring down at the ground in concentration. He spares a glance at Erin to see his angry look evaporating slowly.

“Yeah, it isn’t.” Erin says softly.

“But, I don’t know what you want me to do.” 

It’s quiet for a second and a quick gust blows through. They huddle closer together and Kardal gathers Erin up into his arms. A few spins in place and they just laugh, noses bumping against each other before a quick kiss. For a few seconds they just stare into each other’s eyes like one of Kardal’s cheesy romcoms and the moment is back. Just perfect.

“I want you to walk back and go get our tickets.”

Fuck it.

Kardal scoops Erin up over his shoulder and begins walking back. Erin, for his part, is thrashing and hitting at Kardal’s back, screeching a flurry of profanity. He keeps trying to kick Kardal in the face until they’re back in their apartment and Kardal throws him onto their leather couch.

“We’re going to miss the movie! I hope you’re happy, you glubbin’ asshole!” Erin spits with his arms crossed as he watches Kardal shrug off his jacket.

“Would you rather watch a shitty documentary about an old dude freezing his wrinkly nuts off or make out with your boyfriend while watching Lady and the Tramp? The choice is yours, please, choose wisely.” Erin sticks his tongue out at him for that but snuggles up close when he joins him on the couch.

“I guess I can sit through a dog movie for a bit. But, no sex on this couch. This is Australian leather made from the finest cattle and it was a fuckin’ bitch to get it imported here. Each hide had to be—”

Kardal shuts him up with a kiss as the opening credits finish rolling. He honestly hadn’t been listening as Erin was talking, opting instead to set up the movie. They sit there just kissing for awhile, Kardal finding his way onto Erin and beginning to nip at his shoulder blades and neck.

“Kar.”

Ugh. “No, shut up.”

“Kar.”

“Erin, no, shut up.” He tries to just cover Erin’s mouth with his lips but Erin pushes him back defiantly.

“Kar, this is fuckin’ important.”

Kardal heaves a sigh before sitting back in his spot. The dogs are running through a junk yard on the flat screen tv. “What?”

“You’re the tramp, you know.” Erin laughs, sticking his tongue out.

“Fine. That makes you the lady, you know.” He mocks back in Erin’s voice, earning him a shove.

“I hate you, Kar.” But he says it with a smile as he scoots into Kardal’s arm.

“Love you too, gayfish.” And they sit together in peace for awhile before Erin starts complaining about the lack of popcorn and Kardal tells him to kindly shut the fuck up.

Yeah, not the most normal date night.

But they both think it works pretty well.

**Author's Note:**

> This is all Nessa's fault. All of it.
> 
> I didn't even ship this when I wrote it.


End file.
